2nd Post! Unspoken Family Rules and Cues

Something I have been pondering this week is the communication that happens without any words said. Sometimes I only think of the words I say and perceive that as what people are receiving on their end, but a lot of communication does not require spoken word at all. Most of it is through body language and sounds we make. Think of sighing, or scoffing.  

    This within a family context can be incredibly interesting to observe. So many families have different body language or sound cues that signify a response from the other person. These are often rules we input into our own behavior because we see others do it and adopt it as our own code of behavior.  

    A personal hypothesis I created is that babies mimic their parents when they are just learning how to talk, behave, etc. So, we normally also pick up on these unspoken rules as we grow older in order to fit in with the family dynamic and society in general.  

    One family rule that I picked up as a kid was no complaining about service, especially in front of the person you're serving. It would not be a surprise to hear that as a kid service was not always my top pick to do on the weekend. And my family was very prioritized on helping others in our church or family/friend community. Except for my siblings and me. I could not tell you how many times I asked my mom if we could go to the waterpark or to a friend's house and I got the following response, "We are helping Sister so-and-so move," or "Brother so-and-so needs help with their yard on Saturday", etc.  

      But I do remember one time when I was around 9 or so, complaining that we had to help someone with their yard, and I could not hang out and spend time with my friends. I got a look from my mom like "are you serious?" like "you're going to complain about using some of your time to help another person?" That unspoken cue told me that I was not being very kind or compassionate. Except for a couple of exceptions, I never complained about serving again. And through those experiences you learn to trust the judgement of your parents or older siblings. Often times because they've probably been in the same spot as you and have learned the lesson themselves. 

    Another unspoken rule that I know of in my own family is to mark your food/leftover in the fridge if you don’t want it eaten. I grew up with a much older sister who moved out when I was about 10, and then I had two brothers. One older and one younger. And if I know one thing to be true is that, at least in my family, boys can EAT. So, growing up with them it was almost a competition to get food, because if you let them get their portion first, you’re probably going to get scraps. This applied to leftovers and food in the fridge as well. I needed to mark, label, claim my food however you want to phrase it. Usually something along the lines of,  

“CHLOE’S DO NOT EAT OR ELSE FACE THE CONSEQUENCES”  

    If I did not do that, my food would be eaten, and no consequences would be given to my brothers. So instead of moping or complaining I beat them at their own game by starting to eat their food! 😉  

Needless to say, don’t follow what 12-year-old Chloe did in this situation but examine your own families and see what unspoken rules or cues you’ve noticed! If you have a story, feel free to share it below!! 

Chloe :)