Ninth Post! Problems with Communication

            Greetings friends! I would like to welcome you back to another discussion on a subject surrounding marriage and family relationships! The topic I would like to discuss with y’all today is problems with communication. Communication is something we participate in every day and is one of the most important skills in all variations of relationships. It is also an ongoing skill that we develop as we grow and will never fully finish developing. We can always improve our communication skills and through that our relationship quality and duration can be enhanced in every way.  

            For the benefit of this discussion, it is important to understand the types of communication we participate in in relationships. You may only think of a person’s words, but there is much more to it. According to multiple studies done it is generally agreed upon that non-verbal language (not spoken word) is around 70-93% of all communication. About 7% is a person’s words, around 38% vocal tone and about 55% is nonverbal body language. The exact percentages are disputed, but it is very clear that a substantial portion of communication is nonverbal, and that it has an insane amount of influence on how people perceive communication. An example of this is sarcasm. When someone says something nice, but in a sarcastic tone, which aspect will be considered when perceiving that person’s attitude? Most would say the person’s tone of saying it, not the words they spoke at face value.  

            When I think of problems with communication, I often think of the problem having to do with a lack of verbal communication. More-so generalized to be observed in women, but I believe to be done very often by men as well, is silent treatment. This is the best example of a problem with communication. Women tend to do this where they do not speak to their significant other in order to represent being upset, but their body language then speaks for itself, and it is obvious how they are feeling. For men, it is not as much silent treatment following an argument as much as it is a lack of communicating feelings. I have experienced this personally where I have been romantically affiliated with a guy and had been on a few dates, and he was wanting to explore other options and end the potential relationship with me. Which, I have no problem with, I am not everyone’s type and that is okay. I did, however, have a problem with the fact that he was going on serious dates with other people and stringing me along, for his convenience instead of just telling me. And in the end, not only did this destroy a potential relationship (in hindsight, a good thing) I was hurt so much more than I ever needed to be because he chose to not verbally communicate his feelings with me.  

            There are five methods you can use to improve your communication called the “Five Secrets of Effective Communication: E.A.R.). There are three different subgroups within the five methods that first letter spells the acronym E.A.R.. The first group is Empathy which includes the method of Disarming, which is finding at least a fraction of truth in the person’s words. There’s also Thought Empathy of paraphrasing their words back to them, Feeling Empathy of acknowledging the person’s feelings, and inquiry which is asking gentle questions to learn more about their point of view. The A stands for Assertiveness which involves “I Feel” Statements where you insert your own honest feelings in the conversation. And finally, R stands for Respect which is so important in communicating with others. Within Respect is the method of “stroking” which regards remaining respectful during your conversations even if they are contentious and formulating positive responses. 

            Using these and any other credible communication methods can be indescribably beneficial for romantic, platonic and family relationships! And it's important to understand that it is never too late to start improving these skills! Help yourself and others and work to improve your communication skills today! Have a wonderful week ya'll! 

Chloe 

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