Sixth Post! The Beginning Stages of Marriage

         Happy June!

        Hello again readers and welcome to another discussion on my personal insights into marriage and family relationships! Today I wanted to get the ball rolling and discuss the transitional periods in a marriage. This can be any period of time where there is a big shift in the dynamic or form of the family unit or couple. Some of these big shifts could be officially getting married, adjusting to married life and cohabitation, choosing to have a first child, and decisions regarding having additional children. 

        There are several things to consider about these periods of change that I would like to talk about. One thing that’s been on my mind is transitioning into married life and living with your spouse. Growing up one thing I dreaded and even now don’t prefer is sharing a room and bed. I like to choose sporadically when I'm going to bed, like to be by myself and sharing a bed is a recipe for unpleasant feelings for me. I know that I will have immeasurable love for my future spouse, but sharing a bed is hard. You have stealing covers, and also differing desired sleep temperatures. I like to sleep cold with one big blanket on me, and I know plenty of people that prefer to sleep with thick heavy quilts or with a heating pad. Finding a balance with your partner that allows benefits for both as well as compromise is really hard.  

        Another thing to consider is sharing bank accounts, deciding on groceries, or spending in general. When those sorts of things become one it is important for couples to communicate and agree upon how money should be spent. I know of so many couples that have either split or were awfully close because of poor or unsaid financial decisions of a partner. 

        The topic of children is one that should be discussed before marriage is on the table. Although it can seem a bit quick to discuss having kids while you're dating, it can really affect the quality and duration of your marriage. You never know, the person who you want to marry may desire to have a whole soccer team of kids and you may want a couple or even none. Discuss this as soon as things seem to get serious with your boyfriend or girlfriend, not on the first date. That might just scare them away. If you enter a marriage and have not discussed this topic, you could run into some very threatening arguments. In extreme circumstances you could even enter into some very sticky situations where a spouse is not honest or is manipulative to have more children.  

        One thing I can say is to not delay having children. Have those conversations while dating, but once you're married don’t hesitate to start your family. It can be hard when young couples are still in school, working multiple jobs, or just adjusting in general, but it is so worth it. If you have a child while adjusting to married life and a busier schedule, it will become your new normal and everything will become more manageable. When you delay and get comfortable just with your spouse, the presence of a new child can be a lot more jarring. And not to mention if you wait to have kids and the mother will be more likely to experience complications in pregnancy and birth and the children are at risk for lack of development and an array of birth defects and other complications.  

        These are just a few things to consider and think about this week. Let me know if you have any other topics/ideas you want to discuss and comment below! And to all the readers, have a great week! 

Chloe :)

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